I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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