Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
