Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
