A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
