He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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