girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
