it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
