Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
