Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
