So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
