screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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