Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
