Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
