I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
