I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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