so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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