i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
