so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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