God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
