standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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