Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
