Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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