hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
