just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
