he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
