Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
