no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
