Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
