I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You ruined the universe
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
