Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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