My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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