maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
