well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
