I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
