You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
