Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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