Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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