There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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