So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
