you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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