The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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