She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
