Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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