I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
