I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
