I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I love black thongs
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
