I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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