is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
