return my video game
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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