Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
